Why Writing Works

Have you ever been thinking about something a lot, something kind of confusing, and then you write it down and everything becomes instantly clear? That just happened to me tonight when I wrote my last post, Children’s Literature. In it I shared with you about my desire to continue my education, and the possible opportunity to study Children’s Literature for my MA at San Diego State University.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you what I’ve discovered since writing that post: I don’t want to do it! Ha! At least not now, or any time in the very near future.

I stand by most of what I said in that post, about how I love Children’s Literature above all other kinds of story-telling. But I have to break from the ending now, without even giving many people a chance to answer my question at the end, because I think I know the answer for my own life as it currently stands.

It’s not that I don’t want to pursue a graduate degree. I really, really do. I don’t think you can imagine how much I want to go back to school one day. Yet… when I think about giving up the schedule we enjoy right now, the time with my son, the freedom to read and write as much as I please (when he’s asleep) the time to think, the chance to get involved in our new church and be used by Christ in our community… Those things are too important to me right now.  I’d like to use this time while we live in California, while Brian is in school, and, yes, while we live with my parents, to be all here. To be all-mommy to Hudson, and all-wifey to Brian, all-friend to my friends, and all-servant to Christ (not necessarily in that order!).

And I can’t forget all the fun I’ve recently had writing my stories. I don’t really want to give that up for thesis papers and graduate coursework. Not yet, anyway.

At some point, Lord willing, I’ll have a chance to go back to school. But right now, I just like my life too much. I’m just so thankful for the chance God has given me as a mother to slow down and appreciate the little miracles in life. I’m thankful for the time I finally have to invest in friendships, to serve our church as we get more involved, to reach out to those who don’t know the love of our Savior. Could these interests still be served if I went back to school? Possibly. But I’ve been there before, in the crazy wild busyness of school, work and ministry–three full time things at once–and it’s not a place I’d willingly go again. If God has handed me the peaceful platter, that’s the one I’ll take, thank you very much, and enjoy every bite.

Surprised to read such a sudden change? I’m a little surprised to be writing one, but maybe I shouldn’t be. That’s why writing always works! Part of why I write is to know and understand what’s really going on inside my heart.

Oh, and before I forget, the most significant point that occurred to me after writing that last post was this: Even if I started on a Ph.D. tomorrow, I’ve already decided not to work (Lord willing!) until my kid(s) are way older, so what’s the point of going for a degree that would spit me onto a career path if I’m not interested in the career? I think what I’m really interested in is keeping my brain sharp, forcing it to focus, honing my skills and learning new information. This can be accomplished easily by taking one class at a time by extension, when I feel like it, at one of the local universities. Tada! Wow, that was easy…

Unfortunately, not all decisions are this easy, and this one was a little wild. But my heart was pretty clear after I pushed “Publish” on the last post. Can’t argue with that. Writing really works!

NOTE: There are mommies out there I greatly respect who have earned graduate degrees while remaining excellent mothers to their children and wives to their husbands. So, I’m not saying it can’t all be done. I’m just saying I don’t want to do it all just now.

Children’s Literature

Am I crazy if I tell you that one of my very favorite things about being alive is reading books? It doesn’t top growing to know my savior, Jesus Christ, more every day, or loving my husband, or watching my son grow, or spending time with family members. Or making the new friends I’ve been making lately… But reading is definitely up there with the best things in life.

Of all the books I love to read and all the stories that have touched me, changed me and entertained me, children’s books are always my favorite. I sometimes joke that there is something fundamentally wrong with me, since the library section labeled “Children’s Literature” is my very favorite. I can’t seem to get past Roald Dahl’s imaginative antics in his autobiography “Boy,” or C.S. Lewis’ touchingly simple but achingly deep descriptions in the “Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe” series, or E.B. White’s Charlotte in “Charlotte’s Web,” or even Harry Potter’s coming of age in J.K. Rowling’s smash hits.

I’ve been slowly making my way through a huge stack of children’s literature for the past two months and, oh!, what a joy it’s been. Don’t get me wrong, I love many, many novels that don’t fall under the heading of “children’s literature” (War and Remberance by Herman Wouk, and The Shell Seekers by Rosamund Pilcher are only two examples). They just don’t live with me the way those children’s titles do.

All this loving and reading has brought me to an interesting place. A conundrum. A decision.

Should I take it to the next level and get my Masters of Arts degree in English/Children’s Literature?

Yes, I know what you’re thinking, and such a degree does exist. But there’s only one school this side of the Rockies where it exists, and that’s at San Diego State University (SDSU). While recently looking into the University of California, Riverside, I was referred to SDSU when the advisor discovered my interest in children’s literature. There’s only one place you can study that, she said, and turned my eyes to San Diego.

But…I don’t know if I’m ready to go back to school. I have a 2 year old (!) and we’d like to have more children. Do I seriously want to add the madness of SCHOOL to our schedules? Honestly, no, not really. But I’m considering it any way because “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” (Who said that, anyway?).

One thing is for sure. If God allows me to live long enough (I don’t see any reason why not:)) I will someday pursue a higher degree. The real question is when, where and what? The “what” from my perspective is Children’s Literature. The “where”? Well, that seems pretty obvious since SDSU has a corner on the west coast market. But when? That is the real question.

It just struck me that some of you might be wondering “WHY?” anyone might go for an MA in Children’s Literature. I can’t speak for anyone else, but my reason is simple. I want to teach at the college level (which will eventually mean a Ph.D.), the first step is an MA, and I have to declare an emphasis in something so why not my very favorite subject?

I’m not jumping into anything just yet. But I am considering, and planning, and remembering all the work that goes into applying for higher education. Blech. The sticky part is that I’m really happy right now. I’m happy with our schedule, happy with our lives, happy with my place as a mommy. I don’t really want any of that to change. But I also sense something moving in me, a desire for…learning. Sound crazy? Probably. But remember what I said at the beginning: I’m already crazy for being so in love with Children’s Literature. Why not go a step farther and be even crazier?

Would you please pray for me? For us? Pray that we make the right decisions and follow the path God has for us. Even if I’m not supposed to pursue this now, at least I know where my interests lie.

And, if anyone reading this is a mom in graduate school, or has ever been a mom in graduate school, I would appreciate your comments. Are you glad you did it? What were the challenges? Do you have any advice for a mom considering that path?

Caila’s Favorite Children’s Authors:

C.S. Lewis

Roald Dahl

E.B. White

J.K. Rowling

Kenneth Grahame

A.A. Milne

Little Glimpse of Attitude

Want to hear Hudson’s shining pinnacle of brilliance for today? It happened this way:

I tell him not to touch the glass in front of the fireplace. He looks up at me innocently, pauses for a moment to think, and then mutters these four words:

“No tell me do.”

I stare in stunned silence.

Where did he learn the phrase “Don’t tell me what to do?”

I respond, of course, by telling Hudson it’s Mommy’s job to tell him what to do. I say he must never say that again or he’ll get a swat on his bottom. I ask him, “Where on earth did you learn to say that? And how come you’re practically speaking in sentences?”

Since I don’t have other children, I don’t really know how well other almost-2-year-olds are speaking. Maybe they all speak in sentences and I’m foolishly amazed at the wonder of my own child. But when he walks around the house saying, “I have shoes on. I go outside and play. Mommy, come play,” I shake my head, amazed.

I’ve told you before how much I love watching him learn to talk. It’s an amazing feat of exponential growth. One day he learns how to say something like “DVD” (which comes out “DBD”) and the next day he’s collecting all the DVDs in the house and talking about TV, movies and Bob (the builder). It’s just so much fun to see him make the connections.

And then, of course, there are days like today where I am reminded that my son is human. He has a strong will and like all of us, he wants to get his own way. The challenge isn’t to break his will, but to refine it. To teach him how to control himself, to obey mommy, and that we don’t always get what we want in life when we want it. More than anything, I want him to trust me. To believe I’m doing what’s best for him.

My goodness, how children need to be refined! They have all of humanity’s good and bad potential. On the one hand, they are beautiful, innocent, trusting. I love my own with my whole heart. On the other hand, they are willful, stubborn and selfish. I don’t really blame them–better things come with time and good discipline–but I recognize the potential for great good, and for great evil. We all carry it within us, but with God’s help we choose the good.

Maybe that’s why I’m not angered by my son’s display of attitude this evening. He’s testing his limits, and testing mine, which is part of being a 2 year-old. It’s my job to curb that behavior, but I also appreciate his strength of will. If that can be refined into strength of character rather than rebellion, then Hudson will turn into one awesome dude.

God help me to refine him. Help me to consistently discipline him in a way that honors you.

I’d Take Mercy Any Day

After months of reading the good ‘ole Old Testament I’m in Matthew. I’m skipping ahead in the Bible because I’m thirsty for a glimpse of Jesus himself.

This morning I came to a section I love so much I could bend my head to the paper and give it a kiss. Give it a good, wet, smooch and thank Jesus for the lovingkindness in His voice, the mercy in his hands, and the freedom in his commands.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Imagine you are part of the crowd who just heard Jesus speak these words. Imagine you are dusty, beat-down and feeling pressed hard on by every side. You walk on eggshells. The Romans hang over you, watching every move your people makes. The Pharisees and other religious leaders hang about telling you where you’ve gone wrong, pointing out your failures. You may wonder, was life meant to be a constant uphill struggle? Does God want me to bend the back and carry this burden, thank Him for the whipping? Or could there be something more?

A beautiful ray of hope breaks through your monotony. A man named Jesus, who speaks with authority and captures your attention, has begun to heal people. The local blind man is walking around town looking in everyone’s faces; he can see. The guy from down the street who couldn’t walk is skipping down the road, and you’ve even heard of lepers who are clean and dead people–dead–who are alive. They all point back to Jesus. So you listen. You strap on your sandals, gather your family and walk out to join the crowds around Jesus.

What will you hear? Another tirade about your sins? Another lesson on how to follow all the rules so God will bless your life and your nation and give you freedom? No. You hear something different entirely.

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:29)

Translation: Take my burden (it isn’t heavy) and learn from me how to carry it. I am a gentle and lowly instructor, not a mighty and terrifying guard, not a complaining and judgmental Pharisee. If you follow me, you will find rest.

Rest. You roll the word around in your mind. Can it be?

This man speaking is not just anyone off the street. He knows the holy scriptures, his preaching is flawless, his kindness palpable. And further, he does things no mere man could ever do. Miracles. Of course he comes from God, you think. Of course.

A little later Jesus is confronted by the Pharisees for something his disciples are doing (see Matthew 12:1). They are walking through fields, eating the heads of grain as they go. Freely talking, maybe laughing, as they (sort of) fill their stomachs. On the other side they meet the Pharisees who have a problem with this, as they seem to with most things.

“Look!” they say to Jesus with triumph. “Your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath.” (Matthew 12:2) Aha!, they think. We’ve finally caught them doing something really naughty.

Fast forward to modern day. Can you not hear it now? From many religious organizations and (sadly) churches:

“Look! You’re reading that book! That book is bad.”  ”Look! You’re having a beer. Beer is bad.”  ”Look! You’re dressed up for halloween. Halloween is bad.”  ”Look! You used a bad word!” “Look, look, look!” Fingers pointing everywhere.

Jesus’ answer to the Pharisees is so simple. “If you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the guiltless.” (Matthew 12:7)

God desires mercy and not sacrifice. He desires kindness, forgiveness, and love OVER doing good things, giving good things and being a good rule-follower. Why? Because He knows the supreme value in each human being (Matthew 6:26, 7:11, 12:12). He wants us to react to one another with kindness and love, giving each other the benefit of the doubt and helping one another along the way rather than pointing fingers.

Forget the Pharisees. Forget the religious organizations and churches who might do this today. What about me? Do I point fingers? What about you? Do you judge others? God, teach me to love mercy above sacrifice!

Jesus isn’t saying life should be a free-for-all sin-fest where anything goes and nobody calls “Foul!” He is condemning the “Aha!” spirit that resides in each of us. The primal urge to push others down and elevate ourselves. But to follow Christ is to take the low road, to encourage and help others as we learn from Him together.

I’ll tell you one more thing. I’m so thankful Jesus isn’t weighing up all my sacrifices and telling me how I’ve failed. I’d rather take mercy any day.

Update on ISR

Hudson’s third ISR lesson was cancelled. Thank you to everyone who asked how it was going!

We got in our own pool yesterday because the day was so lovely and warm, and Hudson looked like he wanted to push off the side and start swimming. He didn’t, of course, but I kept watching and waiting for it. I wonder if he’s feeling more confident now that he’s actually swam to the wall a couple of times? The thought scares me a little because he has nothing to be confident about. Of course, as soon as he goes to his lesson this evening he will probably be sad and scared again.

Pictures are coming soon, by the way. Now that I have my iPhone I’m extremely lazy about downloading pictures from my actual camera. I’m like, “What? I can’t email pictures straight from the device? I have to actually plug the cord into camera and computer and click ‘download.’ Whoa.”  We got some great shots of Hudson swimming on Tuesday and I’ll post them as soon as I can find that cord…

Well, this is another pretty pointless post. Thanks for keeping up with the little details!