Where you can find me

I’m sorry to say I’m not blogging here very much anymore.  I still have a soft spot for this blog, so it will stay live, but for the time being you can find me at…

WWW.CAILAMADE.COM!

 

I’m on a foray into the craft blogging scene and I like what I’ve found. It’s a fun way to share what I’ve been doing with others, and motivate myself to keep creating with my hands.

Come on over and see what I’ve been up to!  www.cailamade.com

Abigail

You save me in a million ways every day.

When I need to be so much more than I am, you save me.

With your dimpled smile and your sweet milk-breath.

With those trusting blue eyes as deep and wide as God’s great ocean,

You save me.

to be more loving

to be more kind

to be more patient

“God, make me this!” I cry.

-

With your warm weight in my arms

Your bitty bit of humanity means more to me than a thousand, a million, no, billions of other souls.

And you, like no other, have the power to change me,

To remind me to reach

to search

to beg and pray

for the strength to rise to your occasion.

To lift the banner of motherhood high

And carry it strong.

With your singing hope, you save me.

By Caila Murphy 7/14/10

I return

By Caila Murphy

-

When I’ve tried to do it on my own

and failed

I return to you.

-

When the joy in my life turns out to be

all your own work

and not mine

I return to you.

-

When my goodness is not enough

to sustain my loved ones,

I cry

And return to you.

-

When desperation rises in my breast,

when I need to be more than I am,

I turn

And return to you.

-

Pull back my gaze, Lord.  Draw me back to you,

that I might not have to return

but simply rest

In the place where you are.

No Gift Like A Good Man

There is no gift like a good man.

Four years ago, on Christmas Eve 2005, Brian asked me to be his wife. He set up a pretty little table along the water front in Corvallis, Oregon, and took me there on a “picnic tea” to pop the big question.  There wasn’t a single doubt in my mind as I said yes.

I’ve worn his ring for four years now, three and a half as his wife, and I can tell you it was the best gift I will ever receive. Not because it’s a gorgeous diamond and it makes my hand look pretty, but because of what it represents. When I came down the stairs this morning and saw the presents around the tree (most of them for Hudson!) I couldn’t help thinking that I already have the best one. He’s still sleeping up in our bed. He’s a good man, and he’s my man.

As a young woman I used to think being married was about companionship, and love, and children, and certain other things. What I’ve learned since living with Brian is that it is about those things, but it’s also about so much more. Marriage is knowing another person better than anyone else does. Knowing what they look like in the morning, and how they like to fold their t-shirts or brush their teeth. What they say about other people when those people aren’t around, and how they treat their family. It’s knowing another human being so deeply and loving them all the more for it. In my case, it’s watching my husband be himself, and having the privilege to enjoy that self every single day.

Brian is everything a man should be. He’s strong, and confident, and diligent and hard-working. He’s reasonable, and intelligent, and caring and kind. He’s attractive, and athletic, and talented and funny. He loves to learn, loves to work, loves to provide, loves being a father. He likes to do the dishes and our laundry and he always makes me feel like a queen. He supports my dreams and laughs at my jokes. He is committed to following Christ and loves His Word. He is my very best friend. He is one in six billion.

And on top of all these fabulous qualities, HE LOVES ME.

My life has been changed by simply being loved.  And that is why Brian is the best gift. Not only is he such a man, but he has committed his life to loving me and being my spouse. Since he came into my life I’m more confident, more happy, even more filled with life and joy and love for the Lord than I was before. I feel we can conquer the world together!

The past three and a half years have taken us through four homes, four jobs combined, and untold numbers of boxes. These years have given us a son and now a daughter on the way, and led us through one deep sorrow. They’ve been the best years of my life. Brian, I am so proud to be your wife, and so thankful for our life together. I pray God gives us 60 more to enjoy! Thank you for being my husband.

And, Christ Jesus, today as we celebrate your birth I thank YOU for the gift of salvation, and for the life you’ve given me. I thank you for Brian, Hudson and little Abigail on the way. These gifts are so good they leave me speechless at your goodness and your glory. That they exist is a testament to You. If I can give anything back, let it be my thankfulness and my praise.

Merry Christmas. It’s time for me to go wake up my good man.

A Whole New World

I seem to be coming out of my funk.  A few days ago I actually woke up (before my son), came down the stairs and thought, “Wow, what a beautiful morning,” instead of, “Ugh, I can’t wait ’till the day is over and I’m in bed again.”  Sound depressing?  Yeah, it kind of was.

But now my pregnancy sickness has lifted it’s like a Whole New World out there! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, food actually smells good and I’m not tired all the time.  I feel as if I’ve been given my life back, and glory hallelujah.

Guess what I did yesterday? I actually Cleaned the Downstairs, Did the Laundry, Deep Cleaned Some of Hudson’s Things, Washed our Sheets, Went Grocery Shopping, AND Completed an Inductive Bible Study of Esther Ch. 4. It was an over-acheivers dream! I felt energetic and motivated the entire time, and even though I was ready to fall asleep at 5 p.m., the day was a total success.

So why am I telling you this? Is this pertinent to all the horror in the world? Does this reawakening in my life actually help any of you?  I don’t know about that, but I do know I’m learning the value of SEASONS.  And no, I don’t mean “Yay, it’s Fall!” (which I do secretly mean just a tiny bit.)  I’m talking about the seasons of our lives.  This summer was really awful for me.  My whole world was different in a matter of days: no more running or getting up early to enjoy the morning, food became the bane of my existence, my son took the brunt of my exhaustion, and (worst!) I never read my Bible any more.  If there isn’t running, solitude, food, children or God’s Word to enjoy, what else is there?

Thank Heavens it was temporary.

I don’t know if there’s any one else out there going through a hard time, but I bet there is.  If you are, I can’t promise that your cloud will lift after 3 or 4 months like mine did (I’m on a timetable, people), but I can remind you that seasons come and seasons go. For everything there is a season, and if you ask God to walk with you through those dark, yucky seasons, HE REALLY WILL.  And it doesn’t depend on YOU being a good person, or on YOU reading your bible all the time, or on YOU having a good attitude.  Sometimes we just hold on by a string but HE is there, faithfully hanging on with us, HE sees the end of the tunnel when we don’t, and HE is so good to hold us when we turn to him and cry.

Where would I be without that kind of LOVE?

Maybe I will just end this with a short prayer of thanksgiving.  Thank you, Father, for your goodness to our family during this last hard season. Thank you for the faithfulness you have shown me even when I didn’t deserve it, and thank you for taking care of my son and allowing him to feel loved even when I was so tired.  Thank you for providing my parents who have been such a help, and Brian’s job which provides for us.  You have done GREAT things for us, and we are glad!  Help us to walk faithfully with you throughout the future, and please protect the child inside me as he or she grows. We love you, Lord!

Hodgepodge

Hodgepodge: odds and ends; a motley assortment of things.

As in, this post will be a hodgepodge of information.

I’m not really sure what to write about today, since there are so many things going on. I usually try to write each post about a single idea, but today I don’t know what that one idea is and I’m at a loss. Maybe it has something to do with the beautiful, cool fall day we are having and the fact that my windows are open, giving the whole house a refreshingly crisp feeling. You might imagine this crisp feeling would energize me, but instead it kind of makes me want to lay on the couch…

But before I do that, I’ll just tell you what I’m thinking about today.

1) THE WEATHER, which is so fabulous right now I could just cry. I hate extreme heat and this summer was a tough one for me. But these cooler days are lifting my spirits and I just want to say, “Thank you, God. Thank you so much for Fall!”

2) WOW, PARENTING IS SO MUCH HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.  Can I get an amen? For the past two years I’ve lived in La-la Land of Easy Parenting, but now I have a 2 year old.  I LOVE my son and wouldn’t choose any other life, but HOLY COW he is putting me through the ringer. Parenting theories sound so fantastic until you actually put them into action and then you realize they are as exhausting as they are necessary. So, I’m kind of going through this time of reckoning, really trying to hone my parenting skills and ask for God’s help in raising my son. Basically, I’m stealing myself for a lot of hard work in the year ahead. Good thing Hudson is so dang lovable.

3) GOD’S WORD IS A LAMP UNTO MY FEET. Over the summer I really struggled with finding regular, peaceful times to read God’s Word and pray. Well, if I was being totally honest I would just tell you I wasn’t even looking for time to do those things.  Mostly, I was sleeping whenever I wasn’t directly caring for Hudson (the first trimester of pregnancy can do that to a woman). Now I’m feeling much better and I sense an aching, empty place where those precious times of reading and prayer used to be.  I’ve been getting back into it lately and it’s lighting up the darkness.  In fact, I haven’t done it yet today and now is my only chance so…

I guess I’ll sign off now. Thanks for stopping by!

(What was this post even about? I don’t even know.)

Saltines and Pickles

So, guess what? I’m pregnant!

I’m eating saltines and pickles by the ton, there’s a little pooch forming in my belly and I’ve already gained *BLEEP* number of pounds. I am most definitely pregnant. Plus, by way of more quantifiable evidence, the pee-stick, blood test and doppler all agree that I’m preggers.

Hallelujah!

Old news to some of you, I’m sure, but I just posted the big news on Facebook and Twitter so it’s time my bloggy friends were let in on the secret. Truth be told, this is why I haven’t been writing lately. First, I was too sick (gross–just the thought of “morning” sickness makes me want to yack). Then, I was waiting for an appointment with my OB before spreading the news and that has taken an INORDINATE amount of time to schedule. Since I didn’t want to mention the pregnancy, there was really nothing else to say. It would have come across like this:

“Hello. Am so sick today. Can’t tell you why, but you’ll probably all guess, so I’m logging out now.”

Or,

“Wow, I’m so tired today. And I just burst into tears for no reason. I wonder why that is. Wait! Don’t think too hard about that!”

Or, how about this,

“Parts of my anatomy are growing at alarming rates. And I seem to have developed another personality. But, besides that, everything here is normal.”

So, really my two options were 1) spill the beans, or 2) go completely silent for awhile. You already know which one I chose. I’m sorry to those of you who kept faithfully checking my blog while I remained reclusive. Thanks for checking up on me!

I’ll keep you posted from here on out. Current stats are as follows: I’m almost 4 months along with a due date of March 20, 2010. And I’m hoping to learn the sex of the baby at my appointment 2 weeks from now, or shortly thereafter.

Have a great night, everyone!