WWW.CAILAMADE.COM!

I’m on a foray into the craft blogging scene and I like what I’ve found. It’s a fun way to share what I’ve been doing with others, and motivate myself to keep creating with my hands.

Come on over and see what I’ve been up to!  www.cailamade.com

When I need to be so much more than I am, you save me.

With your dimpled smile and your sweet milk-breath.

With those trusting blue eyes as deep and wide as God’s great ocean,

You save me.

to be more loving

to be more kind

to be more patient

“God, make me this!” I cry.

-

With your warm weight in my arms

Your bitty bit of humanity means more to me than a thousand, a million, no, billions of other souls.

And you, like no other, have the power to change me,

To remind me to reach

to search

to beg and pray

for the strength to rise to your occasion.

To lift the banner of motherhood high

And carry it strong.

With your singing hope, you save me.

By Caila Murphy 7/14/10

-

When I’ve tried to do it on my own

and failed

I return to you.

-

When the joy in my life turns out to be

all your own work

and not mine

I return to you.

-

When my goodness is not enough

to sustain my loved ones,

I cry

And return to you.

-

When desperation rises in my breast,

when I need to be more than I am,

I turn

And return to you.

-

Pull back my gaze, Lord.  Draw me back to you,

that I might not have to return

but simply rest

In the place where you are.

Four years ago, on Christmas Eve 2005, Brian asked me to be his wife. He set up a pretty little table along the water front in Corvallis, Oregon, and took me there on a “picnic tea” to pop the big question.  There wasn’t a single doubt in my mind as I said yes.

I’ve worn his ring for four years now, three and a half as his wife, and I can tell you it was the best gift I will ever receive. Not because it’s a gorgeous diamond and it makes my hand look pretty, but because of what it represents. When I came down the stairs this morning and saw the presents around the tree (most of them for Hudson!) I couldn’t help thinking that I already have the best one. He’s still sleeping up in our bed. He’s a good man, and he’s my man.

As a young woman I used to think being married was about companionship, and love, and children, and certain other things. What I’ve learned since living with Brian is that it is about those things, but it’s also about so much more. Marriage is knowing another person better than anyone else does. Knowing what they look like in the morning, and how they like to fold their t-shirts or brush their teeth. What they say about other people when those people aren’t around, and how they treat their family. It’s knowing another human being so deeply and loving them all the more for it. In my case, it’s watching my husband be himself, and having the privilege to enjoy that self every single day.

Brian is everything a man should be. He’s strong, and confident, and diligent and hard-working. He’s reasonable, and intelligent, and caring and kind. He’s attractive, and athletic, and talented and funny. He loves to learn, loves to work, loves to provide, loves being a father. He likes to do the dishes and our laundry and he always makes me feel like a queen. He supports my dreams and laughs at my jokes. He is committed to following Christ and loves His Word. He is my very best friend. He is one in six billion.

And on top of all these fabulous qualities, HE LOVES ME.

My life has been changed by simply being loved.  And that is why Brian is the best gift. Not only is he such a man, but he has committed his life to loving me and being my spouse. Since he came into my life I’m more confident, more happy, even more filled with life and joy and love for the Lord than I was before. I feel we can conquer the world together!

The past three and a half years have taken us through four homes, four jobs combined, and untold numbers of boxes. These years have given us a son and now a daughter on the way, and led us through one deep sorrow. They’ve been the best years of my life. Brian, I am so proud to be your wife, and so thankful for our life together. I pray God gives us 60 more to enjoy! Thank you for being my husband.

And, Christ Jesus, today as we celebrate your birth I thank YOU for the gift of salvation, and for the life you’ve given me. I thank you for Brian, Hudson and little Abigail on the way. These gifts are so good they leave me speechless at your goodness and your glory. That they exist is a testament to You. If I can give anything back, let it be my thankfulness and my praise.

Merry Christmas. It’s time for me to go wake up my good man.

But now my pregnancy sickness has lifted it’s like a Whole New World out there! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, food actually smells good and I’m not tired all the time.  I feel as if I’ve been given my life back, and glory hallelujah.

Guess what I did yesterday? I actually Cleaned the Downstairs, Did the Laundry, Deep Cleaned Some of Hudson’s Things, Washed our Sheets, Went Grocery Shopping, AND Completed an Inductive Bible Study of Esther Ch. 4. It was an over-acheivers dream! I felt energetic and motivated the entire time, and even though I was ready to fall asleep at 5 p.m., the day was a total success.

So why am I telling you this? Is this pertinent to all the horror in the world? Does this reawakening in my life actually help any of you?  I don’t know about that, but I do know I’m learning the value of SEASONS.  And no, I don’t mean “Yay, it’s Fall!” (which I do secretly mean just a tiny bit.)  I’m talking about the seasons of our lives.  This summer was really awful for me.  My whole world was different in a matter of days: no more running or getting up early to enjoy the morning, food became the bane of my existence, my son took the brunt of my exhaustion, and (worst!) I never read my Bible any more.  If there isn’t running, solitude, food, children or God’s Word to enjoy, what else is there?

Thank Heavens it was temporary.

I don’t know if there’s any one else out there going through a hard time, but I bet there is.  If you are, I can’t promise that your cloud will lift after 3 or 4 months like mine did (I’m on a timetable, people), but I can remind you that seasons come and seasons go. For everything there is a season, and if you ask God to walk with you through those dark, yucky seasons, HE REALLY WILL.  And it doesn’t depend on YOU being a good person, or on YOU reading your bible all the time, or on YOU having a good attitude.  Sometimes we just hold on by a string but HE is there, faithfully hanging on with us, HE sees the end of the tunnel when we don’t, and HE is so good to hold us when we turn to him and cry.

Where would I be without that kind of LOVE?

Maybe I will just end this with a short prayer of thanksgiving.  Thank you, Father, for your goodness to our family during this last hard season. Thank you for the faithfulness you have shown me even when I didn’t deserve it, and thank you for taking care of my son and allowing him to feel loved even when I was so tired.  Thank you for providing my parents who have been such a help, and Brian’s job which provides for us.  You have done GREAT things for us, and we are glad!  Help us to walk faithfully with you throughout the future, and please protect the child inside me as he or she grows. We love you, Lord!

As in, this post will be a hodgepodge of information.

I’m not really sure what to write about today, since there are so many things going on. I usually try to write each post about a single idea, but today I don’t know what that one idea is and I’m at a loss. Maybe it has something to do with the beautiful, cool fall day we are having and the fact that my windows are open, giving the whole house a refreshingly crisp feeling. You might imagine this crisp feeling would energize me, but instead it kind of makes me want to lay on the couch…

But before I do that, I’ll just tell you what I’m thinking about today.

1) THE WEATHER, which is so fabulous right now I could just cry. I hate extreme heat and this summer was a tough one for me. But these cooler days are lifting my spirits and I just want to say, “Thank you, God. Thank you so much for Fall!”

2) WOW, PARENTING IS SO MUCH HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.  Can I get an amen? For the past two years I’ve lived in La-la Land of Easy Parenting, but now I have a 2 year old.  I LOVE my son and wouldn’t choose any other life, but HOLY COW he is putting me through the ringer. Parenting theories sound so fantastic until you actually put them into action and then you realize they are as exhausting as they are necessary. So, I’m kind of going through this time of reckoning, really trying to hone my parenting skills and ask for God’s help in raising my son. Basically, I’m stealing myself for a lot of hard work in the year ahead. Good thing Hudson is so dang lovable.

3) GOD’S WORD IS A LAMP UNTO MY FEET. Over the summer I really struggled with finding regular, peaceful times to read God’s Word and pray. Well, if I was being totally honest I would just tell you I wasn’t even looking for time to do those things.  Mostly, I was sleeping whenever I wasn’t directly caring for Hudson (the first trimester of pregnancy can do that to a woman). Now I’m feeling much better and I sense an aching, empty place where those precious times of reading and prayer used to be.  I’ve been getting back into it lately and it’s lighting up the darkness.  In fact, I haven’t done it yet today and now is my only chance so…

I guess I’ll sign off now. Thanks for stopping by!

(What was this post even about? I don’t even know.)

I’m eating saltines and pickles by the ton, there’s a little pooch forming in my belly and I’ve already gained *BLEEP* number of pounds. I am most definitely pregnant. Plus, by way of more quantifiable evidence, the pee-stick, blood test and doppler all agree that I’m preggers.

Hallelujah!

Old news to some of you, I’m sure, but I just posted the big news on Facebook and Twitter so it’s time my bloggy friends were let in on the secret. Truth be told, this is why I haven’t been writing lately. First, I was too sick (gross–just the thought of “morning” sickness makes me want to yack). Then, I was waiting for an appointment with my OB before spreading the news and that has taken an INORDINATE amount of time to schedule. Since I didn’t want to mention the pregnancy, there was really nothing else to say. It would have come across like this:

“Hello. Am so sick today. Can’t tell you why, but you’ll probably all guess, so I’m logging out now.”

Or,

“Wow, I’m so tired today. And I just burst into tears for no reason. I wonder why that is. Wait! Don’t think too hard about that!”

Or, how about this,

“Parts of my anatomy are growing at alarming rates. And I seem to have developed another personality. But, besides that, everything here is normal.”

So, really my two options were 1) spill the beans, or 2) go completely silent for awhile. You already know which one I chose. I’m sorry to those of you who kept faithfully checking my blog while I remained reclusive. Thanks for checking up on me!

I’ll keep you posted from here on out. Current stats are as follows: I’m almost 4 months along with a due date of March 20, 2010. And I’m hoping to learn the sex of the baby at my appointment 2 weeks from now, or shortly thereafter.

Have a great night, everyone!

In my defense, I seem to go silent during periods of change. (More on that in my next post.) Maybe some of you blog well during periods of change, but I seem to freeze up and fold in on myself. I go into contemplative hyper-drive and close out most avenues of communication besides direct human-to-human conversation. Anyone else do that? I wonder if I’m actually a very private person in disguise? My disguise being (of course) an outgoing, very-talkative-almost too-much-information type personality. Anyway, I wonder.

But the point of this post is really just to put SOMETHING ELSE UP ON MY BLOG BESIDES A BOOK REVIEW FROM A MONTH AGO.

So, hello. Let’s see if this makes my blog beat again.

Thirty seconds in, of course, I got down to the nitty-gritty and read the subtitle: Outgrowing a Drive-Thru, Feel-Good Savior. Wow. It sounded like a challenge and, very possibly, a good dose of medicine. I need a little bit of shaking up in my house-wife/full-time-mommy world.

And indeed, I was correct. Wilson’s book is one of the most humorous, challenging and well-written books on Jesus I’ve read in a long time.

Your Jesus Is Too Safe challenges Christians to look beyond the one-dimensional versions of Jesus that American culture, Christian and secular, have provided us and look instead to the original Jesus as portrayed in the gospels. “The purpose of Your Jesus Is Too Safe is to remind us, for the glory of God and the hope of the world, of the original message of the historical person Jesus Christ, who was, in fact, God in the flesh,” Wilson writes in his Introduction.

If you’re anything like me (and you may not be) you’ve learned a lot about Jesus through the years and you’re always trying to put the pieces together for a good view of what he was actually like. There are a lot of writers out there who twist Jesus’ actions to fit their own agendas or focus on one aspect of his character while ignoring others. How do we put the real pieces together?

Wilson tackles his initiative in twelve chapters, chapters that cover twelve portraits of the Jesus who emerges from a careful examination of the gospels. I’ll list them at the bottom, but to give you an idea, my favorite chapters were #4, Jesus the Man, and #7, Jesus the Redeemer. Each chapter is good enough to stand alone, but taken together Wilson paints an authentic and powerful picture of a Jesus I am proud to follow. There is no safety with this Jesus, you certainly can’t just take him or leave him, but He is everything.

There are two things I appreciate about Wilson’s book that I haven’t found in many other theology books. First, Your Jesus Is Too Safe is not a weighty theology tome. You don’t have to rent harnesses and strap it to your back if you want to read at Starbucks. Wilson’s theology reflects years of careful study and meditation but his writing doesn’t read like that of a seminary professor. Sorry seminary professors, but sometimes your stuff is just too “deep” and dry for most of the people I rub up against in my daily life. Wilson has mastered the art of readable theology. The Internet Monk, in his review of Wilson’s book, called it “mini-theology” and I like that description. It’s theology for the college student, theology for the working man or woman, theology for the stay-at-home mom. In other words, it is accessible to ordinary people, just as Jesus was.

Second, Wilson makes me laugh, pure and simple. I appreciate his humor and tongue-in-cheek footnotes, they add spice. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t take himself too seriously, maybe it’s because he’s an experienced blogger and goodness knows that’s different than traditional writing. Maybe he just has a stinking good sense of humor. Whatever the reason, he kept me laughing while learning. I could barely get through two pages without stopping and reading something out loud to my husband. We just love that kind of stuff. Pastors, bring on the funny! Wilson balances his humor with sincerity, and often had me in tears just moments after laughing. His humor doesn’t take away from the seriousness of his topic, it adds to it.

For those of you who are looking for something to re-direct your eyes to Jesus, this book is for you. I’m still reeling from chapter 7, Jesus the Redeemer, and what it means for my personal life. I’ve truly experienced some reckoning moments while reading Your Jesus Is Too Safe, and I think that’s something any pastor who writes a book can thank God for. Wilson’s very pastoral in his writing, meaning he won’t just tell you what to do or give you data, he will lead you to Christ, carefully, sincerely and with purpose. I can’t recommend this book highly enough.

The twelve portraits of Jesus in Your Jesus Is Too Safe: Jesus the Promise, Jesus the Prophet, Jesus the Forgiver, Jesus the Man, Jesus the Shepherd, Jesus the Judge, Jesus the Redeemer, Jesus the King, Jesus the Sacrifice, Jesus the Provision, Jesus the Lord, Jesus the Savior.

Jared Wilson is the co-founder and pastor of Element church in Nashville, Tennessee. Also (and possibly more importantly), he is a faithful husband to his wife Becky and a caring father to his two young girls.

I highly recommend his blog, The Gospel Driven Church. You can also follow Wilson at The Thinklings.

Editor’s note: A copy of Your Jesus Is Too Safe was sent to me at no cost, in exchange for my review as part of the blog tour. I was not obligated to provide a positive review.

The Corvallis river front where Brian asked me to marry him.

Today has been a hot day in the Inland Empire. Actually, every day for the past month has been a hot day in the good ole’ I.E. It’s times like this that really make me miss living in Oregon.

Don’t get me wrong, I love our situation right now. I love living by a lake, in a city where we have every store imaginable at our finger tips. But can you blame me if every once in awhile I yearn for the smell of a grass field growing? If I ache for the feel of fresh air blowing through my hair, or a glimpse of the Willamette River, or the chance to pick blueberries again at Blueberry Meadows? No, you can’t blame me because if you’ve experienced those things before, you know exactly how I feel.

Today I missed my friends. And the old memories. Oregon State University, where I went to college, Weatherford Hall where Brian and I were married. Coffee shops (the first street Beanery anybody?), fondue, the riverfront walk and the Saturday market. How have I been living without these things for two and a half years now? Surely I should have shriveled up and died?

It’s so strange how places can become such integral parts of who we are. I often wonder how people can even know me without seeing me walk across the OSU campus or play in the leaves or dance through the parks. Don’t I bleed green after all that time in Oregon? I miss the first apartment I lived in with Brian, with it’s warped windows that never really closed and the ivy that grew in through them. I miss McMenamins Pubs and the sweet smell of rained-on leaves being trod underfoot. I even miss umbrellas!

My favorite walking/running path through the old Irish Covered Bridge.

Memories are sweet things. I cherish my life here and now, with my son and my husband and the opportunities God has given us. But I look forward to the time when, God willing, we can move back to Oregon and breath the sweet air. I’ll take Hudson blueberry picking and we’ll walk through the trees. I’ll show him how much fun it is to romp through puddles and play with leaves. We will fish and hike and camp and enjoy this great big beautiful world God created.

Dear Oregon, I miss you. Stay the same you crazy old liberal tree-hugging state. I love you so dearly.